Ultimately I know, that sometimes, I am really tiring. Yes, I know I can be smothering, insensitive, clumsy, noisy, forgetful and worse things... Sometimes I really don't like myself. And of course - I hope it's like that for you, too - I want all of you to see only, what I really love about me.
Whenever I am aware, that I have acted so stupidly, again, that I would love to be able to cut it out and delete that - like I do it with my written words - fear rises up in my heart. This is especially true with people I really care for. I've known this fear forever. It is that fear: not to be good enough, not to be worthy to be loved. The fear that- this time- , I've stretched it too far...
I do remember times, when this anxiety was so strong, it would dominate me and hinder me, to get close to people's hearts.
I wouldn't risk, that somebody discovered my weaknesses.
It never worked out.
What I want to do today, is say: ,,Thank you."
Thank you, to all of you, my husband, my kids, and my dear friends. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you, for all these moments, when my failures would make you chuckle, but you would keep on loving me. Thank you, for forgiving me, every time. I really want to thank you, for not only loving my strengths but also sharing with me, your weaknesses.
This last week, has been a very special week. Pondering about it, I have discovered that it was filled with moments, of heart-to-heart-connections. Oh, I cannot tell you, how much I love that. These moments make me feel alive.
I also want to say thank you, to my God. Thank you, for teaching me, more and more, that your love for me is never depending, on what I do. Thank you, for being close to me, especially in my failures, follies and weaknesses.
I would want these precious words from 2 Corinthians 12,9 to be tattooed into my heart, also.
,,My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is perfected in your weakness."
I am not there yet, but I'm on my way, with you,all, alongside me.
So, thank you!
Andreea = )